A Journey Beyond Loss
by Obi the Kid
Summary: 6 years pre-TPM, non-slash. An apprentice loses his master, and must learn to cope with the help of friends.


TITLE: A Journey Beyond Loss  
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)  
RATING: PG  
SUMMARY: 6 years pre-TPM, non-slash. An apprentice loses his master, and must learn to cope with the help of friends.  
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.  
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated.  
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/  
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.  
  
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A Journey Beyond Loss  
======================  
  
Dusk settled over the huge city planet of Coruscant. Ships of all sizes made final passes through the more populated part of the world, that which surrounded the Jedi Temple. One lone figure stood on the overlook balcony, watching the final rays of sun drop from the sky. His shoulders were slumped and his head bowed. Two days ago the world that surrounded him came crashing in. Padawan Taash Evram had lost everything when his master and mentor, Kem Tovaar, was killed on a mission to the hostile world of Greeg. The young apprentice, twenty-two-years old, was left without the man who had trained and raised him from the age of ten. He was lost and alone. An hour ago he'd attended Master Tovaar's funeral. Watching the flames consume his closest companion was so overwhelming, that he left without a word to any who tried to console him, an attempt to find solitude. Never in his young life had he felt such pain and sadness.  
  
********  
  
Obi-Wan Kenobi bounded out of his room. He and his master had just gotten home from a three-month mission, and had finally been given some time off. Qui-Gon Jinn has offered his nineteen-year-old apprentice a free day to do whatever he pleased. "Master, would you care to join me for breakfast in the dining hall?"  
  
The older Jedi tried not to laugh. Months away from the temple, his first day to relax and he wanted to spend the morning with his teacher in the dining hall. "Padawan, perhaps some of your friends are on-planet. Wouldn't you enjoy their company more than mine?"  
  
"Actually Master, Garen and Taj are somewhere, but I can see them tomorrow. I would like to spend the day with you, unless you'd rather me not."  
  
"I would be happy for the company."  
  
They headed off to the dining hall, Obi-Wan bounced around the entire time. Holding an imaginary saber in his hands, he practiced the new moves that Qui-Gon had been teaching him. The tall master watched his student and smiled. Where did all that energy come from? Qui-Gon himself was exhausted, but seeing the energy that Obi-Wan was exuding, made the fatigue bearable. With a slight bounce in his own step, he followed the padawan into the dining hall.  
  
Obi-Wan downed two plates of food, and was readying for a third when he noticed a Jedi, sitting alone, almost hidden, in the corner of the hall. He seemed to be picking at his food more so than actually eating it. "Master, who's that?"  
  
Turning to see who Obi-Wan was motioning at, Qui-Gon nodded his head in understanding. "I believe that is Padawan Taash Evram. I am told he lost his master recently. Surprising to see him around today."  
  
At once, Obi-Wan's jovial mood had vanished. "Hasn't the Council given him a new master?"  
  
"It's not so simple as that Padawan. And before that is even considered, I assume they are allowing him a grieving period. It's not easy to lose someone who is so close to you for so many years."  
  
"Do you think he'd mind if I offered him some company?"  
  
"That's up to you Obi-Wan. But be prepared for any kind of response to your offer."  
  
"I understand Master." He set the food tray down, and made his way through the maze of tables and chairs. Pausing before he approached the table where Taash sat, Obi-Wan took a deep breath.   
  
"Hi Taash. I'm Obi-Wan. I didn't know if maybe you wanted a little company or not."  
  
There was no response from the young man. His hands continued to play with his meal, and he seemed oblivious to everything around him.   
  
Obi-Wan tried once more. "I heard what happened and if you need someone to talk to, I'm a good listener. I don't know you, but I know what you are going through is painful."  
  
Without lifting his gaze from the plate, Taash's hurt-filled voice replied softly. "I don't want to talk about this right now. Please just go away." And he returned his attention to his plate.  
  
Obi-Wan didn't wish to intrude any further, so he backed away. "If you change your mind...." And he left it at that, turning on his heel and joining his master to finish up the morning meal. Taash watched him leave. Part of him held this intense desire to be left alone, but another part wanted to cry out for help. Obi-Wan was the first Jedi, other than the healers to truly offer him any kind of meaningful comfort. He'd felt a coldness from the Council, and realized that his fellow Knight's and padawan's were probably not sure how they should act towards an apprentice in so much pain. His dark eyes followed Obi-Wan and his master out of the dining hall, and a hinge of jealously shot through him. Taash shook it off when he recalled Master Kem's lessons concerning that particular emotion. Thoughts of his deceased teacher brought fresh tears to his eyes, and eventually, he slid quickly out of the room and back to his quarters.  
  
*********  
  
"He's in so much pain Master. I could feel it radiating off him. But he pushed me away," Obi-Wan said sadly.   
  
Qui-Gon took a seat in his favorite chair as his apprentice soaked himself into the couch. "It's a normal reaction Obi-Wan. But I am proud of you for reaching out to him. Not many others would do that. He'll need a friend eventually, you might be that person."  
  
"Yes, Master. I just...I feel so bad for him. I've lost friends before, but it's not the same as losing your master. The one who raised you. It hurts just thinking about it."  
  
Hearing a small crack in the boy's voice, Qui-Gon moved to sit next to him, and placed a comforting arm around his shoulders. "It does hurt. A padawan loses a master, or a master loses a padawan. There are no magic words that can ease that pain inside. Force willing, you won't experience that kind of pain anytime soon."  
  
Obi-Wan blinked away several tears and glued his eyes to where his hands sat on his lap. The next thing he felt was Qui-Gon's strong arm pulling him a bit closer, and his master's chin resting on the top of his head. The student gathered himself, and whispered, "Thank you Master."  
  
***********  
  
He always enjoyed time in the meditation gardens. It was a peaceful place, alive with the living Force. For Taash, that feeling was no longer. Now the gardens were only a place of painful memories. It had been only five days since the death of his master, but the padawan knew he had to get back into his routine of daily meditation. It was the only way he would began to move on with his life. He sat cross-legged on the lush grass, and closed his bloodshot eyes.  
  
When he opened them, the first thing he noticed was a fellow apprentice sitting about twenty yards away with his master. Both were in meditation, and seemed to be completely relaxed. A state of being that he had not even approached in his attempt to meditate since Kem's death. Silently, he watched them until the padawan, sensing eyes on him, broke the trance and looked in his direction.  
  
Obi-Wan smiled briefly at Taash, but it was not returned. So he tried to slip back into the state he had just come out of. The attempt was not a successful one. He was thinking about Taash. He jumped suddenly when Qui-Gon's voice sounded in his ear. "I would leave him be Padawan. If he wants to take you up on your friendship, he will. Don't push him into anything he's not ready for."  
  
"Yes, Master."  
  
************  
  
Obi-Wan sat alone in the docking bay. He and Qui-Gon were heading into the city for the remainder of the day, and Qui-Gon had asked his apprentice to secure a private speeder for their use, which he had done. Now, he waited patiently for the master to arrive.  
  
While he waited, his mind kept floating back to the image of Taash in the gardens. Would he ever reach out for the comfort that he so desperately needed? Or would he continue to keep the pain hidden within?  
  
Feeling a presence behind him, Obi-Wan turned, expecting to see his master approaching. Instead, he saw the solemn face of Taash Evram.  
  
"Hi. Obi-Wan, is it?"  
  
The younger apprentice stood up and caught the gaze of the Jedi before him. "Yes. Hi Taash." He extended his hand. Taash took it.  
  
"I don't mean to bother you, but I've been thinking about what you said the other day. You said if I wanted to talk, you were a good listener."  
  
Obi-Wan nodded. "I am. Although Master Qui-Gon would never admit to that. Oh...." Obi-Wan cursed himself for bringing up his own master.   
  
"It's okay Obi-Wan. Don't be nervous about mentioning your master. I would like to talk to someone about mine. Master Kem was the most important person in my life. He's all I've known since I was ten. Would you...do you have time to...to listen?"  
  
"Actually my master and I were..." he paused to think this through. Taash was asking for help. He needed a friend. The only person he had reached out to was Obi-Wan. He couldn't turn his back on him now. "Master Qui-Gon and I are heading out for the day...would you like to come with us? I'm sure he won't mind."  
  
But Taash was unsure. He was three years older than his newfound friend, yet at this moment, he felt like an initiate. Unsure about his future, and filled with pain and doubt. He was hesitant to accept Obi-Wan's offer. "I don't know, you don't need me along."  
  
"Nonsense," a deep voice replied from behind. Qui-Gon approached and lay a hand on both of the student's shoulders. "You are welcome to join us Taash. It would give you and Obi-Wan a chance to get to know each other. Our speeder Padawan?"  
  
"Yes master, it's right this way. Come on Taash. Master Qui-Gon knows this great little place for lunch."  
  
After a few minutes of thought, Taash agreed to come along. "Thank you."  
  
***********  
  
Qui-Gon was always amazed at the ease in which Obi-Wan made friends. This time was no exception. Throughout the day, Taash tagged along with the pair. At times he felt awkward, but they were doing their best to counter that. The day eventually wound down, and the small group landed back at the temple as dusk fell.   
  
Taash thanked them for the day, and excused himself quickly. Nights were most difficult for him since Master Kem had died. He and his teacher would spend evenings at home talking over tea about missions and about life in general. It was a time when the pair deepened their relationship over the years, and Taash missed it ever so much. Anymore, nights were filled with bad dreams and restless energy. Lying in his bed, the apartment that was once so full of life, was now eerily quiet. Unable to divert his attention, the young Jedi would replay his master's death over and over in his mind. It seemed there was no end to the torture he relived hour after hour. He was angry as well. Angry that his master had been taken from him. Angry that he had been left to battle these emotions alone.   
  
After Taash had left the docking bay, Obi-Wan gave Qui-Gon a puzzled look. "I don't understand Master, he was okay and then he wasn't. I thought we were helping him."  
  
"He's going to need time Padawan. It's been less than a week. One moment he's standing at his master's side, the next, he's watching him die. This was a good step for him. He's beginning to reach out. Be a friend right now Obi-Wan. That's what he needs more than anything. I will speak to Master Yoda and see what other information I can get about Taash and his master."  
  
***********  
  
The following day, Obi-Wan awoke to find Qui-Gon gone. He assumed he went to speak with Yoda. So, hungry for something good, he made a trip to the dining hall for breakfast. He wasn't surprised to see Taash sitting at the same table as before. The boy grabbed a plate of food and made his way to that table. "Hi Taash, mind if I sit down?"  
  
"It's okay."  
  
"How are you? You left so quickly yesterday when we got back, I didn't know if I had said something that hurt you or not."  
  
"No, you didn't. That was nice, spending time with you and Master Jinn yesterday. I'd heard stories about him, and I guess they were just that...stories. You're lucky to have someone like him as your master. It's just...Master Kem and I, we would usually spend evenings together, having dinner and talking. I never knew how much I would miss that when it was gone. I think that's when I miss him the most." Taash's eyes had filled with tears, but he refused to allow himself to lose it now. He hardly knew Kenobi, and the last thing he wanted was for a younger apprentice to think he was weak and unable to handle what was thrown at him. So again, he held his emotions in check.  
  
"Have you tried talking to the healers? Maybe they can help you release some of what you feel."  
  
"I spoke with one of them, and he offered his company if I should ever need it, but...I don't know. I keep thinking, if I just ignore the pain and the memories, it will all go away on it's own. So far, that's not happening. It's so strange now, walking into our quarters. He's not there. And he won't ever be again. He told me I was only a year or two from my trials, but now, I'm not sure. The Council has said nothing to me about a new master. I do wish to complete my training, and make Master Kem proud. I am his legacy, his last apprentice. I need to make sure that his name is never tarnished. He was a great man, a proud Jedi, and the one I looked to for everything. It hurts to be alone. I miss him. With all that I am, I miss him."  
  
Obi-Wan was at a loss for words. He didn't expect Taash to open up so freely to him so soon. The emotion in the older students voice brought Obi-Wan to the verge of tears. It was then that Qui-Gon called for him through their bond.   
  
//Padawan?//  
  
//Yes, Master.//  
  
//Please return home, I would like to talk to you.//  
  
//Master, I am here with Taash. I don't think he should be alone right now. May I bring him along?//  
  
//Please do if you feel it necessary.//  
  
//I will be there shortly.//  
  
Turning his attention back to his companion, Obi-Wan held out his hand across the table. A gesture of trust and friendship. "Master Qui-Gon and I can help you Taash. If you need someone, you can reach out to us." He waited for his friend to make the next move. And he did, taking Obi-Wan's hand and holding it tightly.   
  
"You'll help me?"  
  
"Yes," the boy replied with conviction in his voice. "We'll help you Taash."  
  
The relief and appreciation in the dark eyes was unmistakable. Taash even managed a tiny smile.  
  
"Master Qui-Gon has called for me. Come on, I'll show you some of holo-pictures of the pathetic life-forms he's taken in over the years."   
  
**********  
  
The pair were greeted with a smile from Qui-Gon as they entered the Jinn/Kenobi quarters. "Nice to see you again Taash, please make yourself comfortable."  
  
A bit shyly, the young Knight replied, "Thank you Master Jinn for your hospitality."  
  
They spent the day together keeping themselves busy with various things. As much as Taash wanted to talk, he was intimidated by Qui-Gon. He'd heard that the man was one of the more defiant masters, had his own way of doing things, and that he was difficult to get along with. Yet, the hours he'd spent with he and Obi-Wan were just the opposite. Qui-Gon seemed to be a caring man, devoted to the Order and to his apprentice. Defiant, yes, but not the hard man that he was made out to be. But then why was it so hard for Taash to talk to him? He opened up to Obi-Wan, but he was a fellow apprentice. Maybe he wasn't sure how to confide in another master as he did with Master Kem. One thing he did know however; he would break...eventually. The pain was not going away; in fact it was increasing in it's intensity.  
  
The older apprentice excused himself to the 'fresher for a few moments at one point during the afternoon, and Qui-Gon took it as a cue to speak with Obi-Wan.  
  
"He and Kem were together for twelve years. They had one of the closer bonds that Yoda has seen. Taash was very close to his trials, maybe just a year away. The Council is afraid this will set him back."  
  
"He told me that the Council acted cold towards him. I think that's upset him further."  
  
"The Council is not known as a comforting group that's for certain. However, Yoda has extended our time off. He wishes us to try and help Taash through this. They are considering a new master for him, but need to know what repercussions the death of Master Tovaar will leave. How will he react in similar situations to the one where Kem was killed. And emotionally, how stable will he be. They are pleased that he has spoken with you, and consider that a positive step in his recovery."  
  
Returning from the 'fresher, Taash watched the other two Jedi end their conversation. He knew it was about him, but he didn't bring it up. "Perhaps I should go home now. I shouldn't intrude any longer on your time."  
  
Obi-Wan stepped forward. "No, we'd like you to stay, at least for dinner. I promise Master Qui-Gon won't cook."  
  
A small success. A brief smile, and the students walked to the kitchen.   
  
************  
  
After dinner, they all sat comfortably in the common area. Qui-Gon started a 'when I as your age' conversation about nothing in particular. Something there triggered a memory for Taash.  
  
"Master Kem used to say that all the time. 'Keep your focus on the here and now, where it belongs.' I always did have a tendency to look ahead. It's one of the things he used to lecture me about. As I got older, his words finally began to sink in. I think...oh, Master Jinn, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your story."  
  
Shaking his head, Qui-Gon grinned. "By all means Taash, continue. I didn't know Kem very well, I would enjoy learning more about him. It sounds like you two shared a wonderful bond." He intentionally tried to hit on a subject that might bring about some emotional memories for the young man. The sooner he spoke of his pain, the easier his recovery would be.  
  
"We did. He was always there, no matter what the circumstance. Everything I am, I owe to him. It was funny, you know, in these last few years, although we were teacher and student, we were also the best of friends. I could talk to Master Kem about anything, without fear of recrimination. I've never known a friendship like that. I don't think I ever will again." Rapid blinking persisted to try and stop the tears, but several escaped regardless. He quickly wiped them away. "This might sound a bit foolish, but at times, I almost thought of him as invincible. That nothing could ever hurt him. He always had a way out of a situation. Sometimes I would just stand back and watch him work. I can't tell you how much I learned from just that."  
  
Qui-Gon interrupted for a moment. "It's most difficult for you at night? That's when it hurts the most?"  
  
"Yes," he said sadly. "I go home and just stand there, waiting for him to come through the door. I know he will, as he has for over a decade. But, he doesn't. And he never will. It makes me angry that he left me. Why did he leave me? It wasn't his time. I have so much yet to learn." The fragile emotions of the young Jedi were beginning to break down his shields. Qui-Gon guessed it wouldn't be long before the boy broke. "This is the most difficult thing I've ever been through. Master Kem prepared for everything. Everything except his death. The one time in my life I need him more than ever. I can almost feel his arms around me, telling me it'll be okay. The pain will cease in time. But...it's not going away. This hurts. I can't stop thinking about him. About how much I miss him. None of this seems real. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow morning and I find out it was all a bad dream. Master Kem will be snoring away in his bedroom and the pain in my heart will be gone." He paused for a moment before adding, "Gods I want him back."   
  
Taash slumped further into the couch. Tears rolled freely down his cheeks now. He rubbed his hands up and down his face and through his hair. Small sobs escaped despite the efforts to hold them in. Qui-Gon moved to the couch, sitting between the padawans. He put an arm around Taash's shoulder and squeezed him close. "It's hard, I know. These emotions you are experiencing are normal. But it will get better. Eventually you'll be able to put the painful images behind you and you'll remember the little things that made him so unique. They'll be fond memories of a teacher and a close friend. I am sure he's looking down at you, and that he's proud of you. As hard as it is for you to believe this right now, you will see him again. Nothing is final within the Force. If you really need him, he'll be there. Maybe not in the physical sense, but his teachings and his words will always be with you."  
  
"But, he's gone. He's...gone. And I don't know what to do. Why did he have to die? Why did he leave me alone like this?" The last of the shields crashed down, and Taash lost all control. The sobs came quickly and with intensity. Without hesitation, Qui-Gon wrapped the young man in his arms, and held him tightly. He offered what he could. "Shhhh...it'll get better. There's no shame in grieving for a loved one. He was like a father to you, and you will miss him for the rest of your life. Everything is a blur to you these past few days. That will clear and in time you will regain your focus. I will see to it that you are not rushed through your grieving period. Knighthood can wait. Your well-being is most important. It'll be okay Taash. Obi-Wan and I will help you. I have a healer friend who I will talk to as well. You won't be alone."  
  
There was no response, but Qui-Gon could feel Taash settling somewhat. Obi-Wan had moved to sit on the table in front of the couch. He placed a supporting hand on his friend's arm. "It'll be okay Taash. It'll be okay."  
  
Looking down at the young Jedi in his arms, Qui-Gon whispered softly into his ear. "I want you to stay here tonight. It won't be so quiet for you. We have room."  
  
Taash nodded against Qui-Gon's tunic.  
  
"Okay. Obi-Wan, find some blankets. We'll set him up on the couch."  
  
**********  
  
Once Taash had regained control, he felt slightly embarrassed for showing weakness. He watched Obi-Wan make up a bed for him on the couch, while he stood just outside the kitchen sipping on a cup of tea. "Master Jinn..."  
  
"There's no need to apologize Padawan. You've suffered a great loss, you must grieve."  
  
There was that word. Padawan. It was always a term of endearment from Master Kem. And it was a word that Taash thought he would never hear again, until Qui-Gon said it. Qui-Gon noticed the reaction in the boy. He'd seen Obi-Wan have a similar reaction the first time he'd used the title. It was then that Jinn knew that this one would survive. The months that followed, as well as his Knighting ceremony would be difficult, but there was no doubt that Taash Evram would do the Jedi Order and Master Kem Tovaar proud.  
  
Obi-Wan had prepared the bed, and invited Taash to try it out. "The couch is a comfortable one. I would know, I've fallen asleep on it many times." Taash got situated, wrapping the larger blanket around his chest. "You need another blanket?"  
  
"No, this is fine Obi-Wan. Thank you."  
  
Qui-Gon sat his large frame on the table at the older apprentices bedside. "If you need anyone, don't be afraid to wake us."  
  
"Okay. I am just hoping to be able to sleep through the night."  
  
"I can help you with that if you like," Qui-Gon said softly, offering to use the Force to aid him in his rest.  
  
"Please."  
  
"Very well." A large hand rested on the student's forehead. Qui-Gon called on the Force, and slowly sent the suggestion of sleep into the drained mind of the apprentice. Moments later, he was drifting off into a peaceful slumber. "Restful sleep, young padawan."  
  
***********  
  
When he awoke the next morning, Taash felt more energized than he had in long time. He'd forgotten what a solid night of sleep could do for one's fatigued body. Pushing himself into an upright position, he glanced at the chrono on the wall. It was late. Almost the noon hour. He'd slept close to fifteen hours straight. Surprised that no one had woken him, he looked around for Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. He found a data-pad on the kitchen table with a short note typed out.  
  
  
  
He smiled down at the note. These two Jedi, who days before, were complete strangers, really did care about him. Since Master Kem had died, Taash had been regretting the day when a new master would take over his training. He didn't know if he could adjust to another's ways. He didn't know if he wanted to adjust. Yet, as much as he loved his life with Kem, he was going to have to move on. It would be hard, but it could be done. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had shown him that is was possible. He was sure of that as he stepped into the shower, cleaned himself up and hurried to the sparring gym.  
  
"Hi Taash," Obi-Wan yelled as he saw his friend enter the gym. He ran over to greet him.  
  
"Hi Obi-Wan."  
  
"You look better. How are you?"  
  
"I'm okay. I needed the sleep. Thanks for letting me sleep so long."  
  
Qui-Gon approached the pair. "Obi-Wan, did I give you permission to run off like that? I was in the middle of a lesson, I turn my back and you are gone."  
  
"I'm sorry Master. I wanted to talk to Taash."  
  
"Don't make this a habit," he said before turning to the taller apprentice. "Good to see you looking rested Taash. Obi-Wan seems to have broken in that couch rather nicely." He paused for a moment to make sure he has the older student's full attention, "I have news for you. Please follow me."  
  
The students shadowed the master to a small observation room overlooking the gym. He motioned for them to sit down. "I have spoken with the Council concerning a new master for you."  
  
"Yes?" He was nervous, but a small part of him was excited as well.  
  
"Yes. Master Greft Salen's apprentice was Knighted a month ago. He's taken some time to himself lately, but he just arrived back at the temple, and has been questioned about you. Do you know of Master Salen?"  
  
"I've met him several times. Master Kem worked with him on occasion. He's a very highly respected master."  
  
"That he is. One of the Order's finest Knights. He is set to retire from the field, but he has offered to complete your training. However because of the circumstances, the Council wishes you to make the final decision. He'll be here shortly."  
  
Taash had no idea how to react to what Qui-Gon had told him. It had been only a week since his own master's death, and this news was very unexpected. He had thought he'd be given more time to deal with this pain without having to jump right back into training.  
  
"This is good news Taash."  
  
"Yes Master Jinn, it is. But, I...I was hoping it would not happen so quickly. I've not had proper time to come to terms with Master Kem's death. I didn't think I would be back in training so fast. It's a bit shocking is all."  
  
Qui-Gon moved closer and put a hand on the dark-haired student's shoulder. "I'm sorry, I should have explained further. You will not be immediately forced back into training. Master Salen knows of the pain you are suffering. I have told him that you are still working through this. He understands. Should the Council approve him as your new master, you can spend a few more days with us, and then he will move into your apartment, since that is where your familiarity is. But first, you will meet with him."  
  
Relaxing a little, Taash nodded. "Thank you Master Jinn. I am eager to speak with him." And he was. What he knew of Salen was that he was extremely strong in the Force, and was very easy to like. Somehow, he knew Master Kem would approve.  
  
He was brought out of his thoughts by a thickly accented baritone voice coming from the corner of the room. "Good afternoon gentlemen. Mind if I join you?" Smiling as he joined the small group, Master Greft Salen reached for Qui-Gon's outstretched hand. "Qui-Gon, it's good to see you again. You're looking well. And this is Obi-Wan? It's been a long time. I understand you have become quite formidable with the sword.   
  
Blushing, Obi-Wan looked away. "I have a good teacher."  
  
"That you do. And this young man, Taash Ervam?"  
  
Taash was nervous to be in the presence of such a man, but he managed to keep his cool. "Yes. It's a pleasure to meet you Master Salen." A small bow and he found the tall master's thoughtful gray eyes peering at him.  
  
"I am sorry for your loss Taash, I know of the close bond you shared with Master Tovaar. He will be sorely missed by us all."  
  
"Thank you," the apprentice said with an emotion filled voice.  
  
"Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, if you will excuse us, I would like to speak with Padawan Evram alone."  
  
An arm around Obi-Wan, and Qui-Gon left the pair to get better acquainted.  
  
*********  
  
Later in the day, Obi-Wan found Taash wandering the meditation gardens, absently kicking at the small pebbles that were scattered throughout the grasses. "Hi, how did it go with Master Salen?"  
  
A longing look, and Taash finally replied. "It went very well. But everything is happening so fast. He's very nice, and more than eager to complete my training. I just miss Master Kem. I don't want my master to think I am replacing him with Master Salen. He may train me to Knighthood, but he'll never be able to take Master Kem's place."  
  
"I don't think he wants to Taash. It's just the type of personality he has. Maybe Master Salen will even help you to remember your master. Talk to you about him. What are you going to do?"  
  
"I want to be his apprentice. It felt right. Once I get past these feelings, It'll be less confusing for me."  
  
"You've handled this better than I ever would. I don't know what I would do if something happened to Master Qui-Gon. He's my only real family."  
  
"Yes," Taash replied sadly. "Do everything you can to protect him Obi-Wan. Look after him and he'll look after you."  
  
A silence fell between them. One that lasted for several minutes. Finally, the younger apprentice broke it. "Come on, my master is taking us out to dinner. We should get ready." Hurrying out of the gardens, the pair and raced to the apartment. They skidded to a stop in front of the door, but too late to keep from smashing into it. "OOF!" They fell to the floor in a fit of laughter. The door opened, revealing Master's Qui-Gon and Salen.  
  
"You could have used the lock-code Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon smiled at the tangled students on the floor.   
  
"Yes, Master, I could have, but then I would have lost the race." He pulled himself off the floor and helped Taash up.  
  
"Oh, Master Salen. I didn't know you were here sir. I'm sorry, I suppose I'm a bit old to be racing around the temple."  
  
But Greft was not unhappy with this new apprentice at all. In fact, he was more than pleased to see that the boy was actually still able to smile. "You're never to old for running the halls of the temple. Just don't let Master Yoda see you. That old troll wouldn't know how to have fun if it bit him in the ear."  
  
Taash raised an eyebrow at the comment. Did he actually refer to Master Yoda as the 'troll'? "Master Salen?"  
  
"Don't get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for him, but...well...he's a troll. And please Taash, you don't have to refer to me as Master Salen. You may use my first name if you like, or just Master. I hate all that formality. And, I will begin moving my things into your quarters tomorrow. I know you are staying with Qui-Gon at the moment, but that's no excuse for me to not get my butt in gear. I am looking forward to our days together Padawan. I hope you are as well."  
  
There was that word again. Padawan. He smiled. "I am...Master, very much so. I would like to help you move in, if you don't mind."  
  
"It's up to you. You're Qui-Gon's temporary ward for another two days, but if you wish, I would enjoy the company."  
  
Obi-Wan chimed in. "Mind if I tag along?"  
  
"All these helpers, I might have to just sit back and supervise. Tomorrow, noon hour. It'll give you a chance to sleep in. But, enough about that. Let me leave you three alone, you have a dinner planned. I'll be in touch."  
  
Taash grabbed Salen's arm, and directed his attention towards Qui-Gon. "Master Jinn, would you mind if Master Salen...if my Master came to dinner with us?"  
  
"Not at all. We can celebrate the birth of a new relationship."  
  
"And the life of Master Kem Tovaar. My master, my mentor, my best friend, my father." A tear traced the young man's cheek as he remembered his old master. Greft knew it was his turn to step in and offer that comfort that Kem used to provide. He could never replace Kem's spot in the young ma's life, or in his heart. But he would do everything in his power to love him as his own son, and treat him with the respect due a Jedi Knight. He placed a hand around the padawan's shoulder.  
  
"You and I will celebrate his life everyday. Whenever you feel the need to talk about him, I will make myself available."  
  
The apprentice hung his head, not wanting his new master to see the fresh flood of tears that appeared. Greft lifted his chin with his free hand, and forced him to lock gazes. "There will none of that padawan. You will not be afraid to show emotion towards me. It is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of trust, and of compassion. Understand?"  
  
"Yes," he somehow choked out. "It's just...It still hurts when I think about him."  
  
"I know it does." Without another word, Greft folded his arms around his student, and held him until the pain subsided. "I'll help you through this Taash. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are here for you too. You'll do okay."  
  
The padawan regained his composure and wiped his face with the sleeve of his robe. "We should get that dinner now."  
  
Qui-Gon stepped forward. "We should. Come along gentlemen. My treat."  
  
*************  
  
Taash spent that night on the couch of Qui-Gon's apartment. He tried to fall asleep on his own, but the nightmares returned. So, he asked Jinn to Force induce his rest once more. Qui-Gon had informed Greft of the problems Taash was experiencing at night. And that the only way he actually slept for any extended period, was with the aid of the Force. The master understood that that was only a temporary solution, and that sooner or later, the apprentice would have to face those demons. But for tonight, Qui-Gon allowed the boy another chance at the peace he so desperately craved.   
  
Watching the scene from his doorway, Obi-Wan confronted Qui-Gon when he returned to his room. "Master, I don't ever want to go through what he is going through. Please don't die."  
  
The tall Jedi grinned and put his hands on Obi-Wan's shoulders. "Padawan, you know it will happen eventually. Force willing, it's not anytime soon. But it's inevitable. Remember, there is no death, there is the Force. You will see me again, just as Taash will see his master again."  
  
"If there is no death, then why does it hurt so much? Why is there so much pain?"  
  
"Because we are human. We are emotional creatures who allow ourselves to become attached to those who become our friends and our family. It hurts because we love. And with love, comes the pain of loss."  
  
"I guess the only way to avoid that pain, is not to love."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And I can't do that. I care about you. I care about Taash. So, eventually I will be forced to deal with the pain."  
  
"Yes." Qui-Gon said as he reached forward and squeezed the boy's shoulder. "It's late. You should get some rest."  
  
"Yes, Master. Goodnight."  
  
***********  
  
With the help of three other Jedi, Greft Salen had his belongings moved in within a few hours. It would have taken less time, but Obi-Wan and Taash spent more time competing with the other as to who could lift the most boxes using only the Force, than they spent actually moving them from one apartment to the other. Greft didn't mind. His new apprentice was smiling and laughing. After what he'd been through in the last week, who was he to discipline youthful energy?  
  
Qui-Gon was less enthused with his padawan's antics. "Obi-Wan, do not break anything please. I have plenty of Force control exercises for you to practice at home. Showing off is not necessary."  
  
"Yes, Master, but look! Five boxes. Five heavy boxes. I've been holding them in suspension for over ten minutes now."  
  
"And you are sweating like an Malderian pig. Put the boxes down. Now!"  
  
Obi-Wan tried to lower them gently, but didn't realize how tired he actually was. They crashed to the floor with a loud THUD. The contents spilling out in a heap. "Whoops."  
  
"What did I tell you? Now pick everything up, put it back where it was, and CARRY each box to their quarters."  
  
"Yes, Master."  
  
"Sorry Obi-Wan, looks like you lost." Taash, still balancing his five boxes high in the air, teased his friend. "Just chalk it up to age and experience."  
  
"Yeah, you are getting up there in age, aren't you?"  
  
Eventually Qui-Gon interrupted the friendly banter. "Okay, okay. You can settle this some other day. I'd like to finish this before you two are Knighted, if you don't mind." The padawans laughed before turning their attention back to the moving process. Things wrapped up within thirty minutes and the four of them stood in the common area of the Salen/Ervam quarters surveying their handy work. The room looked like a cyclone had run through it.  
  
"Okay, so it's a bit on the untidy side," Greft snickered. "At least everything is actually here. I've always said that organization is highly overrated. Wouldn't you agree Padawan?"  
  
"Well, actuallyMmaster, I tend to be quite organized."  
  
Qui-Gon patted both men on the back. "It seems as though you will be a good match then. One to destroy the apartment and one to clean it up. And Obi-Wan, don't say a word. I was in your room recently. Almost killed myself trying to find your bed. Nineteen-years-old, you'd think my neatness would have rubbed off on you by now."  
  
"Yes, but at least I know where everything is."  
  
"I'm glad someone does."  
  
Greft broke in. "Well Taash, how about you and I get settled in."  
  
"Yes, Master."  
  
Taking this as his cue to make a graceful exit, Qui-Gon motioned to Obi-Wan to clear out. "Let's go Padawan, Taash and Master Salen need some time alone. And I wish to continue this conversation about your room." They bid their friends farewell, and left for home. The good natured bickering continued as the pair rounded the corner at the end of the hall.   
  
************  
  
That evening, Taash spent talking to his new master about everything. He truly enjoyed the company of Master Salen. The older man encouraged the student to talk about his former master, and about the memories they shared. He could sense a strange peace in the young man when he spoke of Master Kem. The pain was still fresh and would linger for a long time, but wouldn't stop the determination of the student. Master Kem would be proud of him.  
  
Falling asleep that evening was difficult for Taash. He insisted Master Salen not use the Force to help him. He needed to fight this battle, and it was time to stop hiding. As difficult as that night was, the padawan no longer felt alone. That sense of emptiness that plagued his apartment was gone. It was not the same familiar presence that always followed Master Kem, but it was comforting nonetheless. When the nightmares ultimately haunted his dreams, he was surprised to awake and find his master by his bedside, keeping watch over him until sleep once again took control. It made Taash smile to know that Master Salen did indeed care for him, even after such a short period of time. And within a month, the nightmares were only an occasional nuisance. Memories of his old master were no longer disturbing, and he swore that Master Kem had visited him in a dream. Telling Salen of the dream, the boy expected him not to understand. He was wrong. Not only did the teacher embrace the fact the Kem Tovaar has spoken to Taash through a dream, but he encouraged his student to talk more about it. Taash was always eager to talk about his Master Kem. He happily shared the vision he'd experienced.   
  
"He told me that he loved me like a son. And that he was most saddened to lose my friendship. He'll be there watching through the Force when I am Knighted. He wanted me to thank you for completing my training and for being there when he couldn't. And he said he has never been more proud of anyone in his life than he is of me."  
  
"I wish I had known him better, he sounds like he was an amazing man."  
  
"He was Master, that he was."  
  
***********  
  
Three months after the death of Master Kem Tovaar, his apprentice was approved by the Council to return to off-planet assignments. The first mission with a new master was always a trying one, but he and Master Salen managed just fine.  
  
One year and a half later, Padawan Taash Evram was now Jedi Knight Taash Evram. He stood tall before the Council. Dark eyes shimmering with unshed tears. In the back of his mind he felt a familiar tug. He knew it to be Master Kem. At his side stood Greft Salen, the man who had led the apprentice these final steps toward Knighthood. And in the rear of the Council chambers waited Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi. The two men who had first broken through to Taash and offered their friendship to a grieving student they hardly knew.   
  
Taash rose from his kneeling position before Master Yoda, bowed to each member of the Council and grinned from ear to ear as the small green Jedi spoke. "Welcome the Order does a new member to its ranks. Apprentice you are no longer. Difficult your journey has been. Proud of you we are Knight Evram."  
  
After a few more words, the ceremony ended. The Council members filed out and soon only the four Jedi remained. Taash turned to his master and pulled him into a hug. "Thank you Master Greft, for allowing me to complete my training. You have been a good master and a good friend."  
  
"I am no longer your master, Taash. Just call me Greft. Although I am retiring from the field, I will always be available to you should you ever need me. Whether you need advice or just the company of a friend, I will be there."  
  
The pair broke the embrace and moved to greet Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Over the past year, they had all become close friends. And although young Kenobi was still several years away from his own Knighthood trials, he and Taash had developed a bond that ran deeper than the ones he shared with most his other friends. Obi-Wan ran forward and hugged Taash as tightly as he could. "I knew you could do it. I bet Master Kem is smiling right now, Knight Evram."   
  
"I know he is. I owe so much to you Obi-Wan. I was lost when you offered your company that first time. I was so afraid to reach out, there was so much hurt inside me. But you took it upon yourself to reach out to me, someone you didn't even know. Your friendship will always mean a great deal to me."  
  
***********  
  
That evening, they celebrated.   
  
The following day, a crisis on the planet of Revlar called Jinn, Kenobi and Evram into its realm. They, along with three other Knights boarded a transport for the swamp-like world. Greft was there to wish his former student good luck. "You can't have a better man than Qui-Gon to guide you on your first mission as a Knight. May the Force guide you all to a safe return."  
  
Taash took a deep breath as he strapped in for the two-day journey. His stomach churned and his nerves were rattled. His first mission as a Knight. His first mission alone He felt like a padawan again as Obi-Wan took the chair beside him. "I bet you didn't expect to see us again so soon," he said with a smirk.  
  
"No, I didn't, but you know what? I am glad of it. I wouldn't want to take on the angry world of Revlar with anyone else but you and your master."  
  
The stars floated by until they ship blasted into hyper-space. One journey behind them, but another that lay ahead. It was a journey beyond loss.  
  
END 


End file.
